Buzzzzzz ...

Life is like a rollercoaster, sometimes rolling itself uphill, sometimes other way around.
Well, the weekend was quite intense and grazy (in a good way:) that no wonder Im feeling exhausted for now.
Tired, so, so tired and I know the more I focus on that, the more tired Im going to feel and actually all it is, is not enough good sleep...so, let's focus on other things, won't we?
Like what? ... to be honest, the moment I felt like organising my life little bit better - outside and inside - and it actually seemed that Im quite good in it - pretty much everything turned out so much differently than I had expected.
Quess what, life is life ! Full of challenges and and and ... not even sure how to say it. Just, kind of frustrating how easily the old habitual thinking, acting patterns and people from my past are able to take over. The minute I already thought and felt - jeee, I got it ... I understood that there is still such a long way to go.
Am I depressed? ... well, little bit I quess ... even though the more exact words are tired and confused. It is kind of unbelievble how easily the way to see "the world" can change depending the way how I have decided to think or how my inner monologue looks like:)))
Sometimes I find myself wondering how much easier it would be to blame everybody and everything else ... but unfortunately don´t believe in blaming others :D
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Like now, after spending few minutes outside, taking some deep breaths, looking into the clear night sky full of stars and thinking how grateful I am for this life ... everything seems so much different. So, actually I know what and how should/could I do when I feel low, but knowing itself is never enough.
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There are so many things, people and circumstances to be grateful for...doesn´t matter what is going on in general.
Yesterday, when sitting in this toilet which Meigo built next to this house in the middle of the forest. Toilet without the door and that´s why with an excellent view :))))) ..everything was so totally quiet and sooooo beautiful, nature is something which is hard to describe.
Jap, these are small things which make us happy, small daily things, but I still kind of wait for "something special" to happen. Why? What for?