Deja vu

... my own thoughts and emotions are so fu...ing powerful that it is absolutely grazy ... have done a lot of harm to myself with those 2 "things" during the last week.
Often feel like being back in the BEGINNING where I was few years ago. Same people and situations, even very similar reactions and behaviour - what the f..ck is this?
Deja vu?
Another lesson to learn?
Totally aware that all I need is a small shift of my own thinking and little bit better attitude towards everything, but at the moment don´t feel like that.
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One more thing. I really need to end up living according to other people´s expectations.
That I feel like I should behave in a certain way, because so many people are counting on me.
So what that they do? I need to count on me first, learn to take care of myself before I try to "save the rest of the world".
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Yes, I will be an English teacher for 2,5 more months, but that´s it - at least now I feel like that. If it would be the right occupation for me, it wouldn´t seem so difficult and almost impossible to prepare all those lessons. I haven´t been able to motivate myself even open one single book during this week, is it normal?
Tomorrow will be an "interesting" day, because there are no more days left where to shift my schoolwork which needs to be done.
Love the process of interacting with students and discussing about all kind of things, but can´t stand all this formality around language teaching and the fact that I also need to teach all the students who doesn´t give a s...t about learning :D
What about the youth house? Even though somewhere in the bottom of my heart feel like doing it, reality is that spending 8 o´clock from the morning to 8 o´clock in the evening in the middle of youngsters is way too much for me.
After such kind of days, feel like I´ve got nothing left, because I´ve given everything I have, so, seriously consider spening there only 1 day, max 2 days in a week or so, but we will see.
Today is definately NOT the right day to make these kind of decisions.